Mourning Celebs - Why Do We Cry Over K-pop Idols Who Don't Know Us?

The recent death of ASTRO’s Moonbin shocked everyone, me included.

Moonbin was well known to anyone who listened to K-pop and was also very young, almost my age, which made his sudden departure even more appalling.

Only in the last six years SHINee’s Jonghyun, f(x)’s Sulli, Kara’s Goo Hara, and many other K-pop idols have passed away, mostly in tragic circumstances.

The sudden departure of these K-pop idols has caused much sadness to all the people close to them, family, group members, and friends, but also to all their fans.

Fans may appear to have exaggerated reactions to this news; they grieve in ways very similar to those who ‘really knew’ these people, but why? Why do we, as fans, firmly attach to celebrities?

While to some may feel superficial almost, it is not strange for people to feel a strong bond with K-pop idols who marked essential moments of their life, significantly if they helped them, with their works, get over challenging times.

Music, books, movies, and paintings are all messages equally powerful, even if very different from one another, directed toward their viewers.

When a K-pop song resonates with you deep within your soul, for its lyrics, for its music, or even because it is from K-pop idols you find great comfort in, it is only normal to form an emotional attachment to it.

If over the year you find yourself waiting for new songs and new content from those K-pop idols, if their photos, messages, or buying their merch starts to become one of your little daily happiness, how can you be indifferent when something happens to those people? 

This may fit what psychologists call a parasocial relationship, a one-sided relationship where all the commitment comes from one person and the other doesn’t even know about their existence, but it is nevertheless a relationship.

More than ever, K-pop idols, who create stronger bonds with their fandom through the constant content released, may become a ray of hope in someone’s life.

I often struggle to explain to my family or friends why I feel such a strong attachment to BTS, but there are no better words than love because I love them like a dear friend I can rarely meet, and I’m sad whenever something terrible happens to them.

Even though I cannot say I know them in person, I feel like I do, and I know many people everywhere feel the same and always wish their favorite K-pop idols the best.

This sense of belonging gets even more vital when these K-pop idols have the same struggles we do, and many of them have talked, through the years, about their efforts, not only with their music but also during their lives with their fans.

For example, Jonghyun advocated for mental health, lgbtq+ rights and, in general, showed his support for many causes.

It was only one of the many reasons Shawols loved and still love him.

His lyrics, both the ones he composed for SHINee or his solos and the ones he produced for other artists, touch on many different topics and are a legacy of his great heart.

Two songs, in particular, have been among my favorites for years, and the first was one he composed for his friend Lee Hi, Breathe:

The second song is 하루만이라도 (Just for One Day), part of his solo album Poet | Artist:

She was often praised and criticized for her outspoken persona. Sulli was, indeed, one of a kind in the K-pop idols industry.

Debuted under SM’s group f(x), she also took part in many films and K-dramas and was a 360 degrees artist interested in almost every field of art, including painting.

She often expressed her support for feminist discussions and topics and tried herself to redefine the strict model of femininity present in South Korea; in fact, she supported the no bra movement as well as Comfort Women Day (a day to commemorate women forced to sexual slavery during World War II by Japanese soldiers).

She also was quite vocal about the harmful effects of cyberbullying, which affected her personally for most of her life.

Among her songs, one of my favorites is 하루살이 (Dayfly):

And the iconic f(x)’s Electric Shock: 

Debuted in the iconic group KARA in 2015, she became a solo artist; like Sulli, Goo Hara was also an actress.

She struggled a lot to become a K-pop idol, not only because her parents didn’t support her choice but also because she had to do multiple jobs to support her dream.

She was an incredible performer and was notoriously known among her fans for being a performer who wouldn’t stop even when sick.

She also never allowed people to stump on her; when cyberbullies started targeting her due to her scandals, she didn’t back up and confronted them directly. 

She also courageously confronted her ex-boyfriend, who tried to blackmail her with intimate videos.

She was close to Sulli and, like her, didn’t fear speaking up about uncomfortable topics; indeed, she was a kind soul to admire.

Among her songs, my favorites are KARA’s Mister:

And her solo song Choco Chip Cookie: 

I’ve recently written an article on Moonbin, a K-pop idol I’ve known for a long time. While writing that piece, I tried to process what had just happened, but I have to admit that it is not easy to write about him even after a month.

Moonbin was an incredible person and Artist; he was incredibly charming and a great performer.

For all these reasons, he touched many people with his words, and many fans are grieving his loss.

He started his career young and was both a singer and an actor. Like Jonghyun, he also wrote some of Astro’s song lyrics.

Among his songs, some of my faves are Crazy Sexy Cool, the first Astro song I’ve ever listened to:

And Merry-Go-Round, which he participated in writing:

Moonbin, Sulli, Jonghyun, and Goo Hara are often put together because they left us relatively early, and I too, when thinking of this article, automatically thought about them.

It saddens me to think that we might remember them only as the K-pop idols who died young, and that’s why, despite recognizing that that’s how many may think of them, I hope those reading the article will look at the words I wrote only as a brief reminder of the many other incredible things these four achieved.

For those who are also, justifiably, still grieving, I hope you know you are not alone and that it is right to feel sad even if it’s “just about a K-pop idol you don’t know” because I know and you know these people are much more than that.

Remember always to spread positivity, listen to good music and be kind!